I'm an angel, the horns are just there to keep the halo straight.

I told my mom I stopped raisin hell and she called me a quitter.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

The tongue weighs practically nothing....but few people can hold it.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off.......

If your naughty go 2 your room,
If you wanna be naughty then go 2 mine.

Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over.

All good girls and boys go to heaven that's why I wasn't invited.

If you need space then join NASA baby.....

It's not the size of the dog....it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.

When we drink....we get drunk. When we get drunk....we fall asleep. When we fall asleep....we commit no sin. When we commit no sin....we go to heaven. Soooo, lets all get drunk and go to heaven.

I have learned that the dashing white knight who was supposed to sweep me off my feet has apparently got lost in the woods.

Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your mouth.

I wish my mother would have told me the same thing about horror movies as guys "don't worry honey it's all fake."

If you can't understand my silence....how can I expect you to understand my words?

Did u fall down the ugly tree and hit every branch on your way down?

Everyone's entitled to be stupid but you are abusing the priviledge.

When you're in it up to your ears.......keep your mouth shut.

For all of you who talk about me: THANKS FOR MAKING ME THE CENTER OF YOUR WORLD!

Guys are pigs ......of course I always get the runt.

Every girl wants one guy to meet all her needs while every guy wants all the girls to meet his one need.

Let us live....Let us love....Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls....You first.

I can only please one person per day so today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either.

SMILE : )....it scares people.

I don't come with dice so don't play me.

I got more game than a playstation.

I don't need your attitude because I have one of my own thank you.

You just lost the chance you never had.

The closest thing you will ever come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.

What a shame...looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks.

Click your heels and say : "I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A LIFE".

Did it hurt when I fell from heaven? No, but it hurt when they clipped my wings for being the devil.

There are nine gates between life and death... I will send you beyond the Ninth Gate.

You may shoot me with your words. You may cut me with your eyes. You may kill me with your hatefullness but like the air I will always rise.

I'm not a tease....I'm just a reminder of what you can't have.

I am actually quite pleasant...until I'm awake.

You think you're so cool....You think you're all that....Well ppsshh....What's up with that?

The only fool bigger than the one who thinks he knows it all it the one who argues with him.

Your village just called and they're missing their idiot.

Don't stress me....you can't impress me....I ain't a tease....I'm just a reminder of what you can't please.

I don't have an attitude problem...It's supposed to be like this.

I don't have a cow so I don't need your bull.

Maybe he's hot....maybe he's not.... but in the end--who gives a squat?

Call me anytime, I won't be home.

It's not an attitude....it's the way I am.

My door is always open so feel free to leave.

LaLaLa....I'm not listening to you and I never will.

Beauty is skin deep but attitude is to the bone.

Life isn't a garden...so stop being a hoe.

This is an A and B conversation so C your way out.

How many bowls of courage did you eat this morning?

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Go find a straw cause you suck.

My mother told me not to talk to strangers....I never talk to myself anymore.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I don't use drugs....my dreams are frightening enough.

I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again.

I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.

You can't scare me - I have children!

Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

The major cause of auto wrecks is a screw loose in the nut behind the wheel.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.

BAD COP....NO DONUT!

I believe in getting in hot water....it keeps me clean.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT.

Jesus loves you but everyone else thinks you're a jerk.

I am the shadow on the moon at night.....filling your dreams to the brim with fright.

Yea....that was real manly how you shrieked and all.

Men are like toilets....they're either taken or full of shit

If it has tires or testicles then you're going to have trouble with it.

Go for younger men. You might as well because they never grow up anyway.

Women don't make fools of men.....most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's because she changes it more often.

There are a lot of words that you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - of course they'd be wrong - but you could still use them.

When GOD created man...SHE was only joking.

Never chase after a man or a train....another one will always come along.

Good men are like Martians....you hear a lot about them but you never actually see one.

Women's faults might be many but men have just two....

Everything they say and everything they do.

Women might be able to fake orgasms....but men can fake whole relationships.

All Men Are Animals.....Some Just Make Better Pets.

Guys don't say EX they say NEXT.

Guys are like dogs... they'll drool all over you.

Two words guys hate... don't and stop...unless you put them together.